The Fellowship (And some) read Fanfiction
by Slightly-Insane Writer
Summary: This is what happens when you mix the LotR characters with the worst Mary-Sue of their age. One question remains.. Will they all stay sane? (The answer is probably no)
1. Wecome to Torture

**This is a parody of bad fanfiction, and the general "LoTR Read Fanfiction story". I hope you like it, and that I do not eventually abandon it**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings, otherwise I'd be dead, and the only thing I own is the plot, and the sucky Mary-Sue**

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"Hello sister! How are you this fine weekend?" the twins, Elladan and Elrohir said to a scowling Arwen, and a tired Aragorn. " I realize you two may not be happy to see us, so we brought some friends", the twins chorused, and moved aside to show... an arguing Merry and Pippin, as well as an arguing Legolas and Gimli. Eowyn and Faramir stood off to the side chatting, and Elrond was there, looking like he could just bash his brains out with all the arguing.

"Eowyn!" Arwen said excitedly, as the two had become fast friends, and moved toward to hug her, while the rest of the people in the room felt affronted at being ignored so publically. She then turned to hug her father, and shook hands with Merry and Pippin. Aragorn came forward, and started talking with Faramir, Legolas and Gimli.

"Hey, Hey!" the twins yelled, as they tried to get someone's attention.

"What?" Arwen asked, annoyed at being interrupted.

We found something on the ground", Elrohir said, while Elladan lifted up a neon pink book with frilly, lacey borders. Arwen blinked a couple of times, and Aragorn replied that he had never seen the book before.

"Too neon!" Merry yelled, surprising everyone else around them, as Arwen graciously led all the visitors into a room. Elrond quickly slipped out, and accidently locked the door, but nobody noticed. All of the visitors were curious, and Gimli opened the first page, to read aloud.._"OMG! I have liek written the leik best stori evah1! I wish I could be my charrie!1! Its called the adventures of Emmaline-Amelia-Bella-Isabelle-Swan-Esmerelda-Taylor-Selena-Ciara-Starry Wishbonia and the adorbs Leggy-poo! Shes sO pRETTY, and she looks exactly leik me. By the way, whoever is reading tihs, it's a spell taht makes you read it all, or else, you die. (Teehee. *Giggle-snort* ) (By the way, if this is the Fellowship, then hah! Torture. -Sauron, Melkor )  
-Tihs is by the aamzing author, CUPCAKE-SPARKLEs4546_

By the time Gimli had finished reading this, the rest of the room was either in stitches about the use of "Leggy-poo", mad about the spell and Sauron, or confused with the messed up spelling. In a minute, within the end of reading this, Legolas, colored a bright red, tried to run out of the room, and found it locked. He immediately sank into despair, and screamed out a loud, "Noooooo".

"Do you by any chance know what this strange... thing is?" Faramir asked Legolas, stifling a laugh. Eowyn nodded her head, and so did Arwen.

"Sadly, yes. It is a Mary Sue, one who is inserted into our world, and a story is written about her. Most of the time, it will have bad grammar and spelling. She falls in love with one of the Fellowship, more often than not joins it, and breaks up relationships. Did I mention that she has freak powers?" Legolas answered, staring wistfully at the locked door. Arwen, Aragorn and Eowyn had mixed looks of disgust, knowledge, and about-to-jump-out-of-a-windowness, respectfully.

"I know of these Mary Sues. They are horrible, and start to have an effect on people over time. I have been warped in this sad way", Elrond answered the questioning looks of the hobbits. All of the hobbits huddled together.

"I wish we didn't have to read this", Merry looked at the sparkly cover in disgust. Pippin nodded his agreement, while Frodo rocked back and forth in ball shape, Sam trying to comfort him.

"I guess we'll just have to read it," Aragorn sighed resignedly. Everybody else shot death glares in the vicinity of the King Elessar.

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**This is meant to be a parody. I am sorry if it somehow offends people. I will try to make them as "in character" as possible, and I'd appreciate it for comments about things I could fix, or grammar problems. I'm somewhat new, and still don't get the beta process thing, and would appreciate it if someone told me how to do it. Thanks!**


	2. Thranduil's Pink Princess Castle

**Yuppers, here you go! This is the longest I've written so far. Beta please help. I need one! Well, my characters suck, and everyone is a little OOC, but I hope you guys find it funny. Thanks to CrimsonMaidenXXX, who has a cameo for being the first reviewer**

**Disclaimer: All**** I own is the stupid Sue, and The STORY Of EVIL..., plus the plot line.**

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While Aragorn received looks of pure hatred from some of the crowd, Elrond sat in a corner, face-palming, and trying to cause himself brain damage. Elrond's twin sons looked strangely cheerful, as they whispered, huddling up into another corner. Before Aragorn could say another word, however, Elladan spoke up. "My brother and I volunteer for this fateful task.", came a voice from the huddle in the corner. The mob turned, and faced the specific corner, while Merry gently moved Frodo around, seeing he did not get carpet burn. In response to the confused, and in Arwen's case, disturbed, looks they were receiving, Elladan and Elrohir explained that they would read the dreaded book, all the while smirking in unison at Legolas (It was rather creepy). "Time to start!" the twins chorused, catching the book thrown at them by Gimli, who was all too happy to give it away. As Elladan took his first breath, Legolas suddenly jumped, scaring the people who had forgotten he was even there.

"No! No reading any more Mary Sues!", the elf screeched, as his face slowly turned red. everyone else covered their ears, while Elrond had a fantastic idea.

"Why doesn't everyone take a chance to read each chapter? The person who reads can choose a person. In addition, until there is a chapter in Legolas' point of view, he cannot read it." The Fellowship agreed, except for Legolas, who was being restrained by a nodding Arwen and Eowyn.

After a while, Legolas spat out, "You sadist!", in the general direction of Elrond, who was calm and unperturbed by the outburst. Yet again, Elladan began to read, this time, without an interruption.

_Well, i guess u no me, and here's my awsome story!1! Its so amazing, andn mi charrie is so beautifulll!1!eleven!_

**_Princess Emmaline-Amelia-Bella-Isabelle-Swan-Esmerelda-Taylor-Selena-Ciara-Starry Wishbonia was a amazingly gorgeouss princess from a far away kingdom. She was to marry Prince Legolas, for an alliance between the kingdoms. Princess Emmaline-Amelia-Bella-Isabelle-Swan-Esmerelda-Taylor-Selena-Ciara-Starry Wishbonia (Emms for shrot!) didn't know who he was, or what he looked like, but she imagined Leglos _**

Here Elladan stopped, while his twin laughed over the use of Leglos, instead of Legolas. Elladan soon joined Elrohir in a laughing fit, while Legolas slowly became purple. Seeing this, Elladan hurriedly continued.

_**to be awkwkwkaeeerd...strange, and creepy, like her father, King EDDDDDD the Eighty-Eighth.**_

At that moment, Faramir cracked. "Who named her dad? Legolas the awkward and creepy? Wow this author can't write." Suddenly a loud screech came from the Legolas corner. "ARRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNN! I KILLL YOUUUUUUUU" screamed Legolas, as he had to be restrained by Gimli, Eowyn, Arwen, and a certain CrimsonMaidenXXX, who, as the first reviewer, disappeared in a flash of crimson light and smoke.  
"Help", came a meek voice from the ball that was Frodo. Elladan and Elrohir just looked on, smirking at the sight, as Elrond facepalmed at the shame from Legolas' outburst.

_**Wenh she ariv arriv got there, she saaw a large castle with pinkl banners and a small girl with blond hair standing outside. When the girl turned around, Emms saw it was a guy. He came to the front of her pink carriage and bowed on one nee. "Princess Emmaline-Amelia-Bella-Isabelle-Swan-Esmerelda-Taylor-Selena-Ciara-Starry Wishbonia, I am Prince Leglos. Will you marry me?"  
**__**"No. You forgot my middle name. It is Mary0Sue. And if I have to marry you I will", she said to the Prince Leglosos.**_

Uproarious laughter ensued. Tears of mirth ran down Gimli's cheeks as he imagined a pink castle belonging to Thranduil, and Legolas the girly-elf. "This is the stupidest thing I've read since Boromir tried poetry" Faramir laughed. Legolas sputtered, and then attacked a convenient pillow, muttering something about, "I'll show you a little blond girl". Even Elrond of all people was reduced to pointing and laughing at the girly-elf and his princely-little blond pink girl alternate identity. Finally, everyone stopped, except Legolas, who was in the process of asking a window if he should contemplate murder, or suicide, and how to hide a body. Elrohir took over for his brother, feling a bit disturbed, and not at all sorry for Legolas. Suddenly, Arwen cut in and asked how to pronounce her middle name. After minutes of failed pronunciations (How do you say a zero!?), they all went back to the horrifying, but hilarious book.

_**Prince Legolas** _("Hah! She finally got my name right...I think") **_looked dewontroddeen (A/N IT LIKE TTOS MEANS SAD. OR HAPPY. OR SLEEPY) because Princess Emmaline-Amelia-Bella-Isabelle-Swan-Esmerelda-Taylor-Selena-Ciara-Starry Wishbonia would never love him. The Princess almost pitied him, and then wnet to her sparkly room with Team Edward posters. Before she slept_**("But it's the middle of the day!", Aragorn groaned)**_, she kissed the poster, and dreamt of Edward rescuing her for teh horrible kindgom of MurkyWood._**

"Okay, hold up. MURKYWOOD? What happened?", our favorite tortured elf asked.  
"Who knows. At least they didn't get to Rivendell." Evenstar replied.  
"Yet. But at least I know that they won't make it anywhere near Rohan. I doubt this author even knows where it is. And, one more thing, WHO is Edward?" Eowyn was desperate, although she had laughed during Legolas bashing. Then again, everybody, that is except for Legolas, laughed too.

**_When the butiful_ **("Butiful?") **_princess woke up, there was a screamy-thing in the air. Leglos swooped in from the corner and said Excepto Pertonmu, and the wraith-demenor thing went away.  
"What are you doing in my room?" Emms asked.  
"I'm watching you sleep." Legolasos replied, and Princess Emms thought it was cute because he was copying Edward._**

"Soooo, this creepy Edward guy watches people sleep?" asked Merry.  
"Nope, this author is telling me that she is a stupid plagiarizing maniac who should leave Harry Potter alone, and that Edward watches his 17 year old girlfriend sleep like a pedophile." Pippin answered. Confused looks were present, while others cowered, knowing not to anger this all-powerful author. Frodo thought it would be best to leave everything the author said behind though, and this author was not pleased, but decided to save Frodo torture for another time.  
"Hold it. I do **not** watch people sleep. That's just creepy", Legolas shuddered, while the hobbits and Gimli laughed at his humiliation. The elves and men/women however, somehow, kept a straight face.

"Let's just stop here", Elladan smiled mischieveously. "How about.." Elrohir scanned the room, "Gimli read next." Everyone, except Gimli looked relieved, and aforementioned Dwarf looked like he'd seen a Balrog, or Saruman naked. "It's not even the second chapter yet" Frodo smirked at Gimli's obvious discomfort. Sam just snored, having somehow fallen asleep.

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**Much Sueness, Edward/Twilight bashing and humor. Now where's my plot bunny? Oh well, Read and CLICK THE REVIEW BUTTON..please**


	3. Leglosos and Fido

**I'm sorry for my horrible rendition, and I gave up with bad spelling- it's annoying me too. It'll be easier for you guys to read. A new one will come up in a little while, but until then, I apologize for the wait. All of you favorite-rs and followers, thanks! I'm not such a good writer, so it feels good that people actually read and enjoy what I write.**

**Disclaimer: I have not, and never will be J.R.R. Tolkien :)**

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Gimli stayed frozen, still horrified by the amount of progress made in the evil book. Finally he sighed, giving in to the inevitable, and taking the cursed book. With a loud groan, he began reading the devil tale.

_**Even though watching her sleep was cute, Princess Emms kicked him out, and then woke up in morning. Leglos waz at the door and siad that, "Pricneess Emms you are so amazed, pleaz merry me?"**_

"Okay. What the he** did I just read?" Gimli asked, trying to hold in his laughter. Our favorite tortured elf dove under a table, and remained, until Pippin and Merry dragged him out. Once Legolas was stuck to the floor, with a convenient bottle of AuthorGlue, Merry asked a profound question.

"Why is my name a homonym for Marry? And why is the princess-thing supposed to be amazed?", he questioned, carefully keeping his face blank. Sadly, Merry failed, and as his face began twitch, he gave up on holding it back, and finally just gave up altogether, his face spreading in a wide grin, laughing at the insensibility and bad luck of the people involved in the sad story. The others shrugged, turning to Gimli, in wait. Gimli visibly groaned and set to reading.

_**'HMMM' Emms thought, and she agred, knowing thagt he'd be wathcing her sleep again. **_("Ughh!" Frodo groaned, thinking of the travesty that was Twilight)**he**_** flet happy and secrtley knew that he loved her. She said yes again, and then kissed him on the mouth. 'Hmm' she thought again, thinking he was not a great kisser, but she could made it**** better.**_

"Heyy!" Legolas protested. "I am a fantabulous kisser. Just ask...Eowyn-wait, never kissed her...Just ask Azraindil", he finished, glaring at the corner.

"Wait, isn't Azraindil from Rivendell?" Elladan questioned. Elrohir nodded emphatically. "Brother dear here, dated her for a few decades." Elladan thought in a rare silence."Wait, so you're the one Murkwood fellow she kissed? Azrie thought you had the worst breath, and kissing skills . And she dated Nimrubên. He's the weirdest elf I've ever met." Elladan cracked up, the brothers rolling on the ground while Legolas pouted.

"My kissing skills are fine, thank you very much" Legolas sidetracked, still pouting like a 5 year old who didn't get candy. After this sentence, most of the others burst into uproarious laughter, while Legolas, clueless, was utterly confused.

"Lets get back to the book" Eowyn stated, wiping the tears of laughter from her eyes.

_**Emms went back to slep and woke in da**_("What is this, Gangster Princess?") **_afternoon, and wnet down for breakfat. She was sad and hoped her best friend- who was a unicron- was there. Emms' poresonal fairy that she used to get all her stuffie from appreared and said_**

**_"Your wish is pure snd selfless. You will be a prefect qwueen of rivendel and Murkywoiod. I give to u your unicron- Pricness Percelle Aqujatica Jeanine Lilithhh Vlodey Sparkle fairy." The Fairy sed and then swirled away._**

**_"Thank u Princess Jewel Appletoes Sparkletoe Catsnortia" Emms sed and looked around, and her pink unicron was sitting there and told her she was beautiful._**

"Okay, hold up. Catsnortia?" Faramir gave up all pretense of nonchalance as the room erupted in laughter behind him." I, I can't believe I just said that", he reiterated. Gimli continued, thoroughly embarrassed.

_**The two beautiful princewsses frolicked off into the shiny sun. Emms went to go tell Leegolas that her unicron had told her something imrotant. "Legolass** _("A**?", Frodo asked, while the room laughed at Legolas' expense) _**I have to go on a mission with the fellowship to give a ring to the Mounty Doom crater." Leggolas was confused and then talked.**_

_**"Princess Emms, I am in this Fellowship too. Before you marry me, we can go togther. I know you can protect us from any danger Emms, my Noodle arms are too weak to do anything but shoot a bow."**_

Gimli stopped, while everyone struggled to hold in laughter. Legolas sat, far past the stage of embarrassment, and he had deduced this was a new form of torture. While the girls continued to laugh, the members of the Fellowship realized the author was incorporating them in the story, and they shared a look of horror.

"Noodle arms?" Elladan choked out, while the twins laughed." I always knew Leggiepoo had secrets", he cackled, while Legolas blushed scarlet.

_**"Okay because I am perfect and strong" she said." Whre is the fellowship?" she sang buttifully as they rode her unicrin to where the meeting wood be.**_

_**"Oh they are waiting for Frodo to wake up so he wont die because ugly arwen couldn't save him." Legolas answered**_

_**"Maybe I can help save him with my singing princess powers" She sanfg again. Legolas agreeds and took her to the place that Froodo was sick at.**_

"Don't drag me into this!" Frodo protested. "If I have to do this, so do you, Fro**_odo"_ **Legolas snapped out at him.

"Okay, okay. Stop it!" Aragorn 'peacefully' ended the argument. "Shut it, or I'll let Arwen do whatever she wants on you!' He pointed at a furious Arwen.

"I am the Evening Star. She shall be dismembered for telling lies", Arwen spoke maliciously, glaring at a corner that Pippin sat in. Pippin all but ran away from the spot on the carpet, which almost looked singed. Elrond remembered a key fact.

" Wasn't the meeting in which we talked about the ring in Rivendell?" He asked, and got a murmur of agreement. "Why does this take place in Murkwood?" The occupants of the room were confused, but chalked it down to the Suethor's awful writing.

_** Emms walked into Frodo's room and started singing. "LALALALA I am beautiful and pretty and imbecilic-pretty. Be okay LALALALA" she sang. Frodo sat up. **_

_**"You fixed me thank you. I love you. You are bettr than Arwen at singing. I will take yu with the fellowship" Froido said to her.**_

_**"Okay, I will protect you from the evil Souron and his minions- the Naz- Nazgu- Ringywraiths." Princess Emms finished, looking happy as she flounced through the room with Frodo as he was fixed. She went off to find Legolas, because she kind of loved him and wantd to tell him that Fido wanted to let her come with them on the really long walk to the big mountain.**_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO", a shout rang out from where Frodo sat. Everyone turned, noticing his abnormally red face. "She wants to mess up reality? Why does that vile, vile..._thing_ have to come with us- and I am not a dog!" Frodo's furious voice rang out. A few seconds passed, and the twins of Rivendell dropped to the floor laughing. The laughter was contagious, and even Frodo cracked a grudging smile at their antics. Moving on, Gimli gave up.

"Not even the legendary minds of the dwarves would save us from this. I cannot take it any longer, I give up." With that, Gimli threw the book at a surprised Faramir, and gave up entirely.

"What, no...why me?", he pleaded to the heavens, begging the Valar to ease his pain.

"Suck it up and read!" Frodo growled, almost ready to hurt someone until they finished the book. Faramir relented, but angrily glared at Gimli as he passed, blaming him for any bad things that happened during his reading.

Faramir began.

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**Sooooo... review! Sorry, the story is bad, I'll try for longer next time :)**


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